Definitions

Last night after work I went to visit my best friend about 25 minutes from where I live. I ended up staying pretty late, and was really tired by the time I began talking about going home. Kayla asked me if I would like to spend the night, and not have to bother with the drive home. I paused hesitantly, at which point she gave me a knowing look and said, “your cat?”

Apparently I have used my cat as a reason to not stay out very long, stay overnight anywhere, and even as a reason to stay home. Oh crap. I'm a crazy old cat lady.

I've always joked that this day would come. But I never imagined it would happen in my mid-twenties!

Now, I do have a cute cat. I found her under the dining hall of the camp I used to work at in Pennsylvania and after “cat-sitting” her for a week, she was mine. She also has no tail- not really sure why, maybe a genetic defect or something got it while she was a kitten under the dining hall. But she and her little butt-nubbin are very cute.

But not that cute. Not cute enough to threaten my personal life, which, as a 24-year-old single girl in a bustling metropolis after a lonely two years in a boondocks town, is finally on the rise.

So it gets me thinking. Why am I so attached to, so homesick for this little cat all the time?

Because, to me, in this time of exciting uncertainty in my life, she represents home to me.

I'm squatting in my (other) best friend and her husband's guest room. A room full of their decorating style, their furniture. This is only a temporary situation, and I expect to move out within the year. All of my good friends in Mpls have significant others they have been with for 5+ years. I am single. I am working an odd mix of fun and challenging, yet temporary jobs. And my job-search is wide and varied. My sense of place is hanging by a thread.

Many people in their between-college-and-grown-up-life years have little, if anything, that people are usually defined by. We don't have spouses, houses, jobs we will work into old age.

I happen to live with a couple who do have these things- which may be another reason I cling so tightly to the things that do feel stable in my life. Like the cat who came with me in my big move from PA to MN, and who will live long into my 30's with me. And, I suppose its not that bad to really like my cat. She is cute.

But perhaps I should be clinging to some other things that are just as stable as marriage, home-ownership, careers. Like God. Talk about stable. This time of in-between for me has begun to force me into defining my relationship with my God outside of the superficial definitions of myself. Not coming to Him as a (fill-in-the-blank,) but as bare-naked me. It is very humbling to come to Him with out anything to offer. But, for the third time in my life, I am feeling grace in a new, soul-defining way. In being stripped of definitions I've placed on myself for years, I am learning more and more about what really defines me. Grace, forgiveness, blood, Words, Spirit, love, heart.

Introduction

Blogs have always seemed to me to be one more way to indulge in our own self-centeredness. Many blogs I've read along the way have been full of everyday babbling without much point to them, other than perhaps a way for the blogger to qualify his/her life to the world. I have found myself mostly frustrated with blogs because I do not want to read about what you did today- unless, of course, you can provide for me a deeper meaning to your doings of the day. I do not want to read about your woes in finding a detergent, unless you can provide for me advice on buying or choosing detergent or a larger message of the impact of detergents on our endangered planet. I do not want to read about the TV you watched yesterday, unless you can spin it into a rant against today's sex-saturated, in-artistic, sell-out entertainment.

Blogs have only ever seemed useful to me when loved ones travel far away, in which case blogs offer a more dynamic story-telling device than plain mass emails.

Today I find myself beginning my own blog. And no, I am not leaving the country. In fact, I recently moved back to my hometown. I do not really have anyone to update. I don't even know if anyone will read this. But I do vow to anyone who does, that I will not post any play-by-plays of my day, I will not write only about myself. I vow to explore my life and what I see a bit further than that, and hopefully provide for you a more substantial blog that others I've seen.

And since I am being honest, I will also let you know that another reason I am beginning this blog is because I have decided to write a book. A friend told me the night before I moved back to Minnesota that I should write a book about some of my experiences. Maybe I am taking her more seriously than she intended. But, I have had some unique experiences and feel that now is a good time in my life to start exploring them, reevaluating them, and qualifying their meaning in my life, and the lives of others. I intend to do this by writing about them.

I hope this blog will be an outlet where I can work out some of my experiences, receive feedback, and experiment with my writing style. That being said, I hope that any readers of my blog will read it critically, offer feedback when they have it, and enjoy.
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Once upon a time I was also a hater of Facebook, adamant that it had no positive use in my life, even in society. I now proudly state that I have been a faithful Facebooker for at least three years, and have found it profoundly useful in the way that I network, keep in touch, and build relationships. Perhaps my journey from blog-critic to blogger will be similar, and I pray that it yields equally positive results.